This whole whistle testing mess started because last week I saw some sketchy dude following me home from the bodega. Felt my pockets – got my keys, got my phone, but realized I had nothing to make noise with if things went south. So I dug out that free yellow whistle from the community center event last year and decided to compare it with other safety noisemakers.
First thing Monday morning, I hit up the sporting goods store downtown. Grabbed the cheapest plastic whistle they had hanging by the checkout counter – this flimsy red thing that looked like a kid’s toy. Then I remembered seeing those fancy metal boat whistles online, so I ran home and ordered one with same-day delivery cost me extra twenty bucks.
Testing time came at Riverside Park where there’s always traffic noise and wind. Started with the free yellow whistle. Pucker up, blast it hard – WHOA! That sucker SCREAMED like a banshee with its tail on fire. People three blocks away spun around looking for cops. My ears rang for ten minutes straight.
Then tried the red plastic toy whistle. Blew till my face turned purple – pathetic little “peep peep” like a dying sparrow. Some guy walking his Chihuahua laughed at me. Couldn’t even hear it myself over passing buses.
Saved the expensive metal boat whistle for last. Felt fancy holding this chrome-plated bad boy. Took a huge breath and – surprise! Tiny pathetic squeak came out. Turns out the pea ball inside got jammed sideways. Shook it, banged it on a bench, finally coughed up some wet spit. Made a sad wet “fwoot” noise. Total rip-off.
So here’s what I learned the hard way:
- The bright yellow freebie whistle? Louder than my car horn.
- Fancy boat whistle? Junk status unless you like spitting into metal tubes.
- Red plastic whistle? Might scare off pigeons but that’s about it.
After wasting a whole afternoon and thirty bucks, guess what’s now clipped to my backpack? That ugly yellow whistle. Thing could wake the dead during a hurricane. Still gives me headaches every time I test it, but man alive you’ll hear this sucker from another zip code. Moral of the story? Expensive gear sometimes just sucks.
