Alright so this motorcycle tattoo thing started ’cause my neighbor Dave rolled up with this sick eagle design on his forearm last Tuesday. Got me thinking – hey, maybe it’s time I put some ink on this beat-up canvas. Spent all Wednesday night Googling “tough guy bike tats” like some kinda teenage rebel, ended up saving 6 designs that didn’t look like hot garbage.
Getting My Hands Dirty
First up, I hauled my lazy butt downtown Thursday afternoon. Walked into three parlors smelling like disinfectant and regret. Showed ’em the first design: skull with crossed wrenches. Artist dude at “Ink Vault” just snorted. “Seen that one on five Harley guys this month,” he said. Crossed it right off my list.
Tried the place next door. Pulled up the flaming motorcycle wheel on my cracked phone screen. Guy paused while wiping his needle gun thingy. “That flame job’ll bleed worse than a stabbed hog unless you go big.” Well crap. My wallet ain’t that thick.
The Actual Stabbing Part
Saturday rolled around. Chugged two energy drinks and marched into “Steel Needle”. Showed Maria my final picks:
- Simple gear shift pattern – wrist size
- Old-school bike engine blueprint – shoulder blade
- “Live Free” banner with tire treads – forearm
She stabbed the gear shift into my wrist first. Holy mother of pain – felt like getting whacked by a vibrating cement block. I white-knuckled the chair for twenty straight minutes. When she wiped off the blood? Boom. Looked like a prison tat done in the dark.
Maria just shrugged. “Looks tough at least.” Paid her extra to fix the crooked third gear.
Epic Healing Failure
Next three days were torture. Woke up Tuesday with the banner tat oozing yellow gunk. Used that cheap petroleum jelly from the gas station – big mistake. Skin puffed up like microwaved hot dog. Rinsed it under cold sink water like a wounded cat.
Bailed on work Wednesday. Wore long sleeves in July heat to hide the disaster. Boss asked if I got attacked by a raccoon. Should’ve just said yes.
Final Tally
- Gear shift: Semi-legible after touch-up ($40 down drain)
- Engine blueprint: Actually decent! Maria’s good with straight lines
- “Live Free” banner: Now reads “Li e Fee” thanks to swelling
Moral of this dumpster fire? Simple is better. Skip anything with words. And triple-check your artist ain’t high.
