So, I decided I wanted that Jordan Barrett short hair. You know the look, kinda messy but sharp, effortless cool. Saw a bunch of pics, thought, “Yeah, I can pull that off. Or rather, my barber can.” Big mistake, thinking it’s ever that simple.
Off to the Barber
My usual guy, Tony, who actually gets what “just a trim” means, was on holiday. Figures. So I chanced it with this new place that had flashy reviews. Walked in, showed the guy on my phone like ten pictures of Jordan Barrett. From different angles, even. He glanced, nodded, said, “Ah, yes, textured crop, easy.” Easy. Famous last words in any barbershop, I swear.
He got to work. Clippers buzzing, scissors snipping. But the whole time, it felt kinda… rushed? Like he was just going through the motions of a standard short back and sides. I tried to ask, “You gonna do that choppy thing on top?” He just grunted, “All part of the process, mate.” I should’ve known then.
The “Big” Reveal
Then came the moment of truth. He spins the chair around. And I’m looking at… well, it was short hair. Definitely short. But Jordan Barrett? Not a chance. It was flat. It was kinda uneven in places. Looked more like I’d lost a fight with a lawnmower. He even had the cheek to say, “Looks good, yeah?” I just mumbled something and paid. What else could I do? Start a fight? My hair was already butchered.
Trying to Salvage It
Got home, thinking maybe it just needs styling. Wrong again. I wasted a good hour in front of the mirror with every product I owned – wax, clay, pomade, you name it. Even bought some new sea salt spray hoping for that “beach texture.” My hair just lay there, looking sad and confused. Or it stuck up in weird clumps. Nothing like those cool, artfully disheveled pictures.
- Tried combing it forward. Nope.
- Tried pushing it back. Definitely not.
- Tried messing it up “artfully.” Looked like I’d just woken up after sleeping in a bin.
This whole thing just reminded me of this one time, a few years back. My wife wanted one of those fancy gallery walls. You know, loads of pictures, all different sizes, perfectly arranged. Saw these kits online, “Easy DIY Gallery Wall! Foolproof!” they said. Came with templates, little sticky things, the whole shebang. Looked so simple in the video. Just like that Jordan Barrett hair looked simple on him.
Well, let me tell you. Two hours in, I had more holes in the wall than a Swiss cheese, the frames were all crooked, and one of them fell off and smashed. The “foolproof” template was a joke. My wife came in, took one look, and just started laughing. Then she called her brother, Dave, who actually knows how to use a spirit level. He fixed it in like 30 minutes. Made me look like a complete idiot. I haven’t been allowed near a hammer for a “big project” since. She still brings it up at family dinners. “Remember when he tried to hang those pictures?” Good times.
So, the Jordan Barrett hairstyle? Yeah, it’s probably gonna be another one of those stories. Another failed attempt to copy something that looks effortlessly cool on someone else. Right now, I’m seriously considering just buzzing it all off. At least then there’s no illusion of style. Or maybe I’ll just wear a hat for the next two months. That seems easier.
