Okay so I totally stumbled onto Caroline Freud’s therapy stuff – some interview clip kept popping up while I was doomscrolling. “Learn real counseling?” Yeah right, thought it’d be super complicated psychologist talk. But hey, free content, clicked anyway.
Where I Started
First step? Actually watched the thing. Grabbed my usual “trying to learn” notebook – the cheap spiral one with coffee stains. Figured I’d just jot down anything that sounded useful, like when she talked about “active listening.” Sounded fancy, but boiled down to basically shutting up and really hearing the other person without planning my reply. Huh. Easier said than done.
My plan was dumb simple:
- Pick one thing she mentioned.
- Try it out secretly with my partner later.
- See if it exploded in my face or actually did something.
Chose the “reflecting feelings” bit. You know, like if they say “Work was awful,” instead of jumping straight to “Quit your job!” or “Here’s what you should do,” you just… say back the feeling. Like, “Wow, that sounds incredibly frustrating.” Sounded stupidly simple. Suspiciously simple.
The Actual Experiment
Okay, opportunity knocked. Partner came home looking like a stormcloud. Slammed the bag down. “Traffic was a nightmare again, absolute crawl the whole way!” Usual me would instantly launch into either solutions (“Try the back road!”) or agreeing rants (“Ugh, the worst!”). This time? Took a breath. Tried the thing. Said (and felt kinda awkward), “Man, that sounds so infuriating after a long day.”
The reaction wasn’t what I expected.
- Pause. Like, actual silence.
- Then shoulders dropped just a tiny bit. “Yeah. Exactly. It just makes everything worse.”
- Didn’t dive into solutions. Didn’t rant more. Just sort of… deflated a little. Like the steam came out.
Whoa. Okay. My brain went: “Did… did that actually just WORK?” Like magic? Nope. But it felt… different. Less like ping-pong arguments, more like handing them an “I hear you” blanket.
Kept At It
Got bolder. Tried it with my sister complaining about our mom (danger zone!). She was venting hard. Instead of defending Mom or adding my own gripes? Reflected: “Sounds like it felt really unfair and hurt your feelings.” Another pause. Then a quieter, “Yeah, it kinda did.” Conversation didn’t escalate. Shocking.
Realized the “Learn Real Counseling Strategies Easily” wasn’t about becoming a therapist overnight. It was about tiny tools – like this reflecting feelings thing – that surprisingly worked to slow down the crazy spiral and just… connect. Not perfect, still feel clumsy sometimes, but it’s way less about fixing and way more about understanding. And honestly? Sometimes that actually makes things better.
