Man, lemme tell ya this wild ride with Bradley Roberts’ clients. Started when I first peeked at their old reports – total train wreck. Numbers all over the place, plans lookin’ like spaghetti thrown at the wall. Thought my eyes were gonna bleed.
First thing Monday morning, I dragged all them spreadsheets into my crappy laptop. Filtered so many rows my fingers went numb. Woke up when coffee kicked in – realized half these folks weren’t even trackin’ the right stuff! Flippin’ disaster. Here’s what went down:
- Took Jimmy’s bakery account – dude was sellin’ croissants like hotcakes but had zero clue who kept comin’ back. Made him stand outside scribbling customer notes on napkins for a week straight. Embarrassing? Yup. Worked? Hell yeah.
- Then Sarah’s online thrift store mess. Her “ads” were basically pixel soup. Slammed my head on the keyboard resetting all her targeting. Told her to stop sellin’ to grandmas lookin’ for knitting patterns. Switched focus to broke college kids – cha-ching! Sales blew up like fireworks.
- Worst was Mike’s plumbing biz. Guy answered phones like a robot from 1982. Recorded his calls (he nearly choked hearing his own voice). Made him practice sayin’ “how can I help?” till his wife threatened divorce. Two weeks later? Bookings doubled. Go figure.
Took forever to compile this junk. My desk looked like a paper bomb exploded. Highlighters dried out, sticky notes everywhere. Pasted results into slides at 3 AM – screen glowin’ like a UFO in my dark apartment.
Why bother? Cause last year was rough. Got canned from that marketing agency when they decided “data doesn’t matter.” Spent three months eatin’ ramen while job huntin’. Landlord bangin’ on my door, baby daughter needin’ diapers. Had to swallow pride, sign up for government food stamps. Cashier gave me that look – you know the one.
Bam! Got hired to fix Bradley’s mess. Now? Old bosses wanna “grab coffee.” Blocked their numbers. Bet they’re still tryna sell smoke n’ mirrors while I got client testimonials blowin’ up my inbox. Karma’s sweet when it finally shows up.
