So yesterday I figured I’d finally check out what all the fuss was about with Moon Maidens 2023. Kept seeing folks online yell about it, so my stubborn butt hit “Install.” Spoiler: It ain’t perfect, but some bits actually surprised me.
The Download Saga
First hurdle? The damn download size. Felt like waiting for paint to dry while my potato internet crawled. Seriously, went downstairs, made a whole pot of coffee, scrolled through like twenty cat videos – still not done. Finally saw that progress bar hit 100%, breathed a sigh, and clicked Play. Screen went black for a solid minute. Thought my PC had given up the ghost. Then… bam! This overly sparkly title screen hits me, all neon moons and floating maidens. Loud fantasy music blasting. My ears are still ringing.
Diving Into The Mess
Character Creation was… something. Way too many sliders. Spent ages tweaking chin shape number three before just slamming “Randomize.” Ended up with a pink-haired girl named “Blossom Petalwhisper” by the generator. Yeah, no. Renamed her to “Brick.” Figured she’d need the toughness.
Jumped into the main story. World looks pretty, gotta admit – shiny forests, glowing ponds. Immediately got lost. Map’s useless, icons overlapping like alphabet soup. Wandered into some level 20 cave while Brick was still level 1. Got stomped by a giant glowing badger thing. Twice. Had to Google how to fast travel out. Embarrassing.
What Actually Stuck Out (The Good Stuff)
Okay, so after rage-quitting for an hour, I gave it another shot. Here’s the stuff that didn’t make me want to yeet my keyboard:
- The Seasonal Thing: Turns out seasons change hard in-game. Was running through autumn woods, bright leaves everywhere. Logged off, came back later? Full snowstorm. Trees covered, paths hidden. Brick froze her virtual toes off. Actually felt cool, like the world moved without me.
- Weird Crafting Hook: Hated all the “gather 10 moon moss” quests. But… mixing junk together is weirdly satisfying. Tossed some common rocks and a cheap vial together? Made a grenade that turned enemies into squeaky chickens for five seconds. Dumb, but laughed way too hard.
- Those Maidens: Yeah, the main gimmick. Random maidens join your campfire at night. Thought it’d be all romance. Nope. One showed up, complained about her rusty armor, and gave Brick a permanent buff to mining speed instead. Pure business. Another one taught me a stupid dance emote that actually lets you dodge certain attacks if timed right. Unexpectedly useful chaos.
- Music Swaps: Found a jukebox item buried in some trash loot. Turns out you can collect discs from beating bosses or finding hidden spots. Slapped in a “Retro Arcade Banger” disc, and suddenly epic boss music turned into synth-wave. Made fighting a giant spider weirdly less stressful.
The Verdict After Two Days
Is it a masterpiece? Hell no. Still clunky, still throws you off cliffs literally and figuratively. But I see why people stick around. It’s got charm buried under the messy parts. Those seasonal shifts and unpredictable Maiden visits? They kept me booting it up again. Even Brick survived… mostly. Still avoiding caves though.
