Alright, so this Jon Norton guy owes me fifty bucks from last month’s poker game, right? Deadbeat keeps dodging my texts. Needed to track him down pronto. Remembered hearing somewhere about seven places people like him usually hang out or get spotted. Figured, why not? Let’s turn this into a little experiment and document it properly.
The Mission Kick-Off
Woke up determined. Grabbed my keys, phone charger, and a cold coffee I forgot to drink yesterday. First thought: check his usual haunts. Drove straight to that rundown diner he loves on Maple Street, “Betty’s Grease Pit”. Seriously considered taking a photo of the sticky floor for proof it was revolting.
- Waited forty minutes crammed in a vinyl booth smelling faintly of old grease and regret.
- Asked Betty herself. She squinted, wiped her hands on her apron, mumbled “Ain’t seen Jonny boy since Tuesday. Heard he won a scratch-off.” Not helpful.
- Left without my fifty bucks or any good intel. Strike one.
Hitting Up the Obvious Spots
Plan B: his crummy apartment building downtown. Pulled up, buzzed his unit (#304) about ten times. Nothing. Even knocked on his actual door. Nada. Started feeling like a debt collector in a cheap suit. Not a good look.
- His sketchy neighbor, leaning out smelling of cheap weed, offered, “Jon? Yeah, man… he split? Maybe yesterday? Said somethin’ ’bout ‘windfall’, needed space.” Neighbors: always reliable? Not.
Frustration building. Checked his sister’s place across town next. Figured family might know something. Big mistake.
- Sweet old lady opened the door wide, but her sister? Pure terror wrapped in a bathrobe. “Jon?! Don’t you BRING THAT LOSER AROUND HERE!” Slammed the door so hard it rattled my teeth. Ouch. Clearly a sore spot. Probably not his favorite refuge.
Digging Deeper Into Weird Territory
Alright, going beyond the obvious. Remembered Jon sometimes bragged about knowing the owner at that fancy microbrewery place, “Hops & Dreams”. Drove over. Tried looking cool sipping a weirdly hoppy IPA while scanning the crowd.
- Asked the busy bartender. She barely paused: “Jon? Skinny dude with the nervous laugh? Bounced a tab two weeks ago. Boss banned him.” Another dead end. Plus, I was out ten bucks for the beer I didn’t want.
Headed to the public library downtown next. Jon used to hang there using the free wifi “for business”. Checked the quiet room, the computer area…
- Found an empty packet of peanut M&Ms and a receipt for overdue DVDs. His MO? Maybe. Librarian gave me the stink-eye like I was a nuisance. Jon was persona non grata there too? Classic.
Got desperate. Checked the old community pool. Place was practically a ghost town this time of year, faded plastic chairs stacked like skeletons. One bored lifeguard reading a paperback.
- “Jon Norton? Nah. Pool closed ages ago. Try the bowling alley?” Lifeguard shrugged. Zero help. Why was this even on the list? Seemed unlikely.
Final shot: the abandoned drive-in theater on the edge of town. Total long shot. Drove out, weeds scraping the undercarriage of my car.
- Nothing. Just crumbling asphalt, rusted speaker posts, and… was that a soggy note pinned under a rock? “IOU $50 – JN”. Seriously?! No date. No nothing. Could be years old, could be yesterday. Perfectly useless Jon Norton signature move.
The Grand Conclusion? Not Really.
Slogged home eight hours later. Zero dollars richer. Zero Jon Nortons found. Gas tank half empty, along with my patience.
- Turns out, all seven supposed “important places” were a bust. Diner? Not eating. Apartment? Vacant. Family? Hostile. Brewery? Banned. Library? Avoided. Pool? Ghosted. Drive-In? Cryptic Notes Only.
The lesson smacked me in the face: people are unreliable. Especially people who owe you money. Lists claiming to know “where to find” someone? Mostly wishful thinking. Maybe Jon got that “windfall”, maybe he just vanished. Either way, my fifty bucks seems to have vanished with him. Guess I learned something practical after all: trust, but verify. And maybe don’t loan money to Jon Norton.
Maybe next time, small claims court instead of a scavenger hunt. Probably cheaper on the gas.
